Nicole LePera—a renowned couples therapist with over 10 million followers on Instagram, TikTok and X—identified seven behavioral patterns of long-term couples. Here’s how they do it – and you may, too.
1. Be friends with one another
People in committed relationships really valued spending time together, LePera says on X. “They enjoyed coming home after a long day and catching up,” she tweeted. “They enjoyed doing little things together. Friendship was the foundation of their relationship.”
2. Together through dark times
Just because couples stayed together for a very long time doesn’t suggest they did not have difficult periods that made them query the connection. But the adversities didn’t derail them. In fact, they helped them construct resilience, LePera says.
Couples who’ve stayed together for a very long time have endured difficult times which have brought them to a crossroads – and even caused them to query the connection. What matters in these situations is that they decided to remain together and work through the situation and are available out stronger.
“This has created trust,” LePera wrote in a tweet.
3. Make fun of one another’s quirks
Sometimes our quirks can turn into our biggest insecurities. Whether it’s an obsession with a specific book series or a strict 10-step skincare routine, these little things we do make us unique – and the perfect partners will appreciate these traits as a part of who we’re.
LePera says that while the partners recognized these idiosyncrasies, they were never overly critical of them, even in the event that they didn’t put an excessive amount of effort into it.
“Even though they were annoying sometimes,” she says.
4. Don’t try to vary your partner
LePera has this recommendation for anyone who says, “But I can change her”: Don’t. It’s not enough to easily accept her idiosyncrasies: If you wish an enduring relationship with someone, you have got to simply accept and love them for who they’re.
“There was a certain level of respect and admiration,” says LePera. “That freedom brought out the best in each of them.”
5. Fight properly
It’s okay to get on one another’s nerves now and again—just be certain you realize how one can argue in a healthy way.
“They knew how to navigate conflict, recover and move on,” LePera tweeted.
6. Have difficult conversations
LePera found that couples in strong long-term relationships didn’t avoid difficult conversations, even when their perspectives were challenged. In fact, being open to one another’s perspectives was key to learning from these difficult conversations.
The key was regular communication – without evading or denying difficult topics.
But what made these interactions even higher, LePera notes, was the emotional regulation that ensures that “conversations rarely [become] Explosions.”
7.CSetting boundaries with the family
Family dynamics are sometimes difficult to administer as you and your partner turn into increasingly involved in one another’s lives. But based on LePera, family boundaries are essential to the health of your relationship.
She notes that strong couples “put the relationship first and have clear boundaries with family.”
For example, this might mean selecting to not vent to your loved ones about your relationship problems or not making decisions based on your loved ones’s wishes, LePera wrote in her tweet.
“They did together what was best for their partnership,” she says.
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