couch
Do you may have a friend you can call in the midst of the night? Or who could even show you how to move a couch? In my book Breadcrumb Legacy: How Great Leaders Live Memorable Lives (Routledge), I urge readers to take into consideration who they might call to assist them transport a settee after we take into consideration friendships in maturity. Since most of our friendships often come from work, we may miss the social network after we leave the workplace.
It began a number of years ago when all three of my grown sons were in college. My husband asked me to assist him move the sofa to a different room. I began doing that after which asked, “Don’t you have anyone you can call? A friend who can help you?”
My husband said he didn’t need to hassle anyone. I said, “If you weren’t here, I’d find someone to help me move the sofa.” It turned out he couldn’t consider anyone he could safely ask.
“You need to find more friends!” I told him. And he wasn’t offended. He agreed.
My husband isn’t alone. A big national study of Americans’ social networks in 2020 found that just about one in five Americans reported having no close social contacts, a double-digit increase from 2013. The Associated Press recently conducted a survey that found that 18 percent of the general public There was no a couple of person outside their immediate household that they might turn to for help.
According to Joseph Coughlin, director of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s AgeLab, the concentrate on financial security in retirement planning is incomplete. He says our real social security is “not a source of income provided by the government, but our social relationships – our friends.” We worry concerning the money we predict we’d like to retire. But Coughlin says we must always “think about the social capital (friends) we need to stay connected and engaged, have fun, and cope with the many challenges that come with old age.”
When was the last time you made a friend? Not just someone you see at work or someone you recognize – an actual friend. What makes an actual friend? I believe it’s someone you’ll be able to trust and depend on. You can call them in the midst of the night. True friends have your best interests at heart. A supportive group of friends is our “bondage shield” that makes us strong and resilient.
Friendships are relationships and maintaining them takes time, money and energy. These are sometimes scarce resources. When we understand the worth of friendships in our lives, it’s an investment that pays off greatly when it comes to happiness and meaning.
About 20 years ago, I traveled to Charleston, North Carolina, for a national conference for skilled teachers. I had never been to Charleston, but my husband had been there for a tennis tournament a number of months before the conference and insisted that I am going to a certain restaurant.
I had been attending this conference for numerous years and had due to this fact gotten to know other faculty members. Ironically, none of them were present this 12 months. I truthfully didn’t know anyone.
I made a decision to “face my fear.” I reserved a table for six at this restaurant. After each workshop I attended, I asked one or two people (who seemed interesting) in the event that they desired to have dinner with me. A number of people said that they had plans, but I just kept asking. Then one said yes and asked if she could bring a friend.
By the tip of the day, I had to extend my reservations to 10. And I only did that because I didn’t need to eat alone at a pleasant restaurant. Interestingly, the subsequent 12 months, a few of those people asked me if I’d plan dinner again – and I did!
To put my preaching into motion, my neighbor and I made a decision to throw a cocktail party together for our neighbors, whom we do not really know. I hand-wrote the invitations and delivered them in person. One of our neighbors has a big yard and a protracted driveway. At the tip of the driveway was a person filling leaf bags. I ended and asked, “Sir, can you give this to the people who live here?” He replied, “I live here!” I used to be embarrassed. “Oh, I thought you hired someone to mow the lawn. Well, I’m having a party and this invitation is for you! We want to meet our neighbors and I obviously don’t know you.”
He got here to the party together with his wife. His wife said that he looooves mowing the lawn and caring for all of the lawn maintenance himself.
What happened to my husband and his lack of friends to get him off the couch? He likes to read, so I encouraged him to start out a men’s book club. He could invite a number of friends and ask them to ask two more each.
The book club has been meeting for several years and has now grown to 12 members. And now my husband has many individuals who could be joyful to assist him move the couch. Making and maintaining connections with others has helped him in every aspect of his life.
It’s time to stop excited about “wellness” as something you do on your individual, and begin excited about wellness as “social wellness,” the best way your community and connections support your health and well-being. Making friends as an adult takes courage and practice. We must get out of our comfort zone.
