Dear Dave,
I’m starting to feel some bitterness and resentment towards my parents for his or her recent decisions and financial irresponsibility. Fifteen years ago, once I was still at school, they gave up well-paying jobs to enter the priesthood. When they made this decision, they each took a pay cut and since then they’ve been commonly asking my husband and me for money for living expenses. Sometimes they even attempt to make us feel guilty after we cannot give them the quantity they ask for. My mother specifically consistently mentions her calling to the priesthood and adds that we should always wish to help them. We consider of their calling, but we also feel that they knew they might must make do with less money and that they’re being irresponsible with the cash they earn. What should we do?
Abigail
Dear Abigail,
I hear that giving money to your parents is not necessarily a financial burden for you and your husband, but that you just’re losing respect for them by consistently giving or lending money to your parents. That’s not a healthy situation. Your relationship is strained, and that is hard for anyone to handle – especially in a parent-child situation.
Make no mistake, it’s admirable to enter ministry with the suitable heart. However, within the Bible, Paul built tents while he was in ministry. I’m paraphrasing, in fact, but his line was something like this: “If you don’t work, you don’t have anything to eat.” He had a job. So I do not think it’s unfair in a situation like that to suggest to your those who they consider some work outside of ministry while they’re attempting to do God’s work.
I’m sure your mother is a great person, but nobody should do that to their child. On top of that, she feels like a travel agent attempting to make you’re feeling guilty – like she’s attempting to tear you down while implying that that is all for God. That’s not only malicious, it’s just mistaken.
It shall be hard to untangle all of this and make it a good situation where they are usually not consistently asking for money and also you are usually not feeling pressure and falling victim to the guilt that allows this behavior. I hope you’ll all consider sitting down with an affordable, objective third party and talking things through. I also hope you’ll take the time to read a book called Limits by Dr. Henry Cloud. It will open your eyes.
God bless you and your loved ones, Abigail.
—Dave
