Effects of hysteria disorders in childhood one in all eight childrenThis is a condition that many families struggle with. But despite their prevalence, anxiety disorders in children aren’t talked about much, leaving many parents feeling unprepared and even helpless on the subject of raising an anxious child.
“Children with anxiety disorders are often clingy, may have difficulty doing things independently, and may have temper tantrums,” he says Tyanna Snider, PsyD, a toddler psychologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital. “It can impact the whole family.” Snider says parents face the challenge of setting boundaries with a toddler while validating their feelings.
But psychologists say they often help children with anxiety disorders, and a part of that treatment involves teaching families how one can reply to the condition’s symptoms. Although none of them claim that parenting a toddler with an anxiety disorder is straightforward, there are tools they’ve discovered that could make life with an anxious child somewhat smoother. Here’s what they recommend to all parents of youngsters with anxiety disorders:
Anxiety can appear like behavioral problems
Tantrums are common in all children of a certain age, but they may occur in children with anxiety disorders. “Anxiety can manifest itself in yelling at you or arguing about something,” says Thea Gallagher, PsyD, clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and co-host of the Mind in sight Podcast. “Sometimes it can be difficult to figure out whether this is normal child behavior or whether it is due to something bigger or deeper.”
These tantrums “can be very difficult for the child with anxiety to control, but it is still very important to set limits and have limits,” says Snider. That means you do not need to attribute a tantrum to your child’s fears and assume there’s nothing you’ll be able to do about it. As your child calms down, Snider recommends reminding them that you could have rules and expectations and that there are consequences in the event that they usually are not followed. “You still have to provide discipline and consequences in a matter-of-fact way,” she says.
It’s vital to acknowledge your child’s feelings
Validating your child’s emotions is a vital step after they’re upset, he says Izabela Milaniak, PhDlicensed psychologist within the Anxiety Behaviors Clinic within the University’s Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. She recommends practicing something called “developmental empathy.” Don’t dismiss concerns that may feel like a giant deal given your child’s age. “A child’s worries may seem silly to an adult, but they are proportional to their world,” she says. “Avoid comments like, ‘It’s no big deal’ or ‘You don’t have to worry.'” Instead, Milaniak says it is important to your child to know that you simply understand that she or he is upset.
She recommends saying something like, “I know the morning before school is hard for you. I can see that you are scared and would rather stay at home. I understand that: sometimes I want to stay away from work because I’m nervous too.”
Gallagher emphasizes that “feelings are always real,” even if you happen to don’t understand why your child is having them in a specific moment. “We can always acknowledge how terrible fear can feel,” she says. Gallagher recommends talking to your child about “pushing the fear back,” emphasizing that they could be in command of their emotions and never allow fear to take over.
Staying calm is crucial
Ammon says it is important to maintain a level head together with your child. “Sometimes it can be difficult to keep a cool head when your child is distressed, screaming or crying,” she admits. Gallagher agrees, but emphasizes the importance of remaining calm. “If you can, stay as calm as possible,” she says.
Gallagher points out that moods could be contagious. “If you’re in a crisis situation and someone else is freaking out, your fight-or-flight response will also contribute to that,” she says. If you discover that you could have a tough time staying calm when your child is elevated, she recommends talking to their therapist about resources you should use or considering therapy for yourself. “The best thing you can do with your child when they’re upset is to stay as calm as possible, reiterate their options, and talk about the choices they can make,” she says.
Sometimes you could have to allow them to ride the wave of fear
Anxiety could be hard to stop, especially when a toddler is absolutely excited, says Snider. “If your child has the highest level of anxiety—10 out of 10—sometimes we have to ride that wave,” she says. “They are unlikely to make effective change when they are already at such a high level.”
This can mean simply being there to your child, giving them hugs, or giving them space to themselves until they calm down, says Gallagher. “If a child is having a tantrum or an anxiety attack, we want to get them to a safe place so they can express their feelings,” Snider says. This is an excellent time to assist them practice skills learned in therapy, equivalent to: For example, taking five deep breaths at a time, counting backwards in increments of three, or other techniques your doctor has told you. “It can distract them for a moment, relax their body and calm their brain,” says Snider.
Don’t completely avoid the things that cause your child anxiety
If something scares your child, it’s comprehensible that you’ll be wanting to do all the things you’ll be able to to assist them avoid it. But experts say this could actually make the situation worse. “The main mechanism that can increase anxiety symptoms over time is avoidance, in which a child escapes the experience of fear, embarrassment, insecurity, distress, or other negative sensations,” says Milaniak. “Until an anxiety disorder develops, a child repeatedly exhibits avoidance behavior patterns, such as: E.g. not raising your hand in class, not going to school and not speaking.”
But repeatedly avoiding a situation could make anxiety worse, he says Hillary AmmonPsyD, a clinical psychologist at Women’s Anxiety and Emotional Wellbeing Center. “You may have an instinct to protect them and allow them to avoid anything that causes them fear or anxiety,” she says. “Unfortunately, this decision to help them escape sometimes increases fears for the child.”
Instead, Milaniak recommends that folks “compassionately encourage courage” in anxious children. This means reiterating expectations by saying things like, “I know this is hard for you and going to school is one of your responsibilities, just like going to work is mine.” What can we do about school attendance today easier to do?” Milaniak says it is important to stay firm, even when things escalate together with your child. “Stay calm and repeat a steady mantra to show that your child’s feelings aren’t scaring you,” she says. This may include saying something like, “You have big feelings because you’re afraid.” I’m not afraid of your big feelings. We will get through this together. Emotions don’t last ceaselessly and this one might be over soon.”
For example, in case your child throws objects, hits others, or runs out of a automobile, it is important to have consequences for his or her behavior, says Milaniak. “Emotions are always valid, but we must be responsible for what we do with them,” she emphasizes.
Highlight the great things too
There’s rather a lot to cope with when you could have a toddler with anxiety, but doctors say it is important to praise your child when she or he is doing well. “Emphasize when things are going well—don’t just focus on the things that didn’t go well,” says Gallagher.
Snider agrees. “You still want to do the typical parenting and show them you’re proud of them,” she says. Open-ended questions can be helpful. For example, ask your child to share the perfect and worst moments of their day as you eat dinner together or ride within the automobile. “It opens the door to communication and feelings when things aren’t going well,” she says.
Overall, Snider recommends remembering to do your best. “Often parents of children with anxiety are very stressed, frustrated and unsure of what to do next,” she says. “But it’s important to remember that you are a good parent and caregiver, even if it feels like things aren’t going well in that moment.”
More parenting suggestions:
