“I think there’s an opportunity to have a bridge conversation if you’re able to reach out and say, ‘Hey, I know it’s been years.’ I know we haven’t connected, but mom and dad, they’re getting a little older… I’d really like to use this as an opportunity for us to reconnect and have some conversations,” McLennan said.
She noted that outreach may not work for each sibling, but each individual can a minimum of keep their very own roles and responsibilities in mind, including looking for skilled advice.
“Make sure you’re informed, make sure you know your responsibilities, make sure you have the information you need, whether you’re an executor or not, and try to do that to get any outside support you may need,” McLennan said.
Tax, legal and financial planning advice is commonly required when coping with estates, she added.
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If there’s an information vacuum amongst parents, it could be natural for youngsters to fill this gap with assumptions or possible justifications for decisions in the desire. McLennan has seen children “blindsided” by inheritances and witnessed the implications as siblings blame one another.
“Sometimes when we don’t have enough information, we fill in the backstory and we might be wrong,” she said. “Sometimes we take what we receive as a proxy for love: ‘Mommy loves you essentially the most.’ She left you the business, she left you the farm, she left you more.’”
But that is a mistake, McLennan said, because there are lots of considerations that children may not realize. In their conversations with parents, additionally they worry that an inheritance might need a negative impact on their children, and so they often look to other relations who will not be related by blood, similar to spouses.
How essential it’s to speak clearly
Ideally, parents must have communicated their intentions clearly to avoid misunderstandings, McLennan said, but when that is not the case, avoid blame and avoid the breakdown of the connection. Support your siblings, communicate and keep the family together – the latter is a priority, she added.
