Many of us in families with aging family members have had contact with a mentally ailing member of the family. Because our medical system for managing and treating mental illness is clearly broken, the worst effects of those illnesses might be devastating as parents age. When chronic mental illness is present, things can develop into frightening and dangerous. Are there solutions?
Facts from a case study
In this real-life scenario, the aging mother (AM) and father (AD) provide a house for his or her mentally ailing son, his wife, and his three children. Both son and wife are unemployed and depend on support from AM and AD. The son’s symptoms became progressively worse and more severe until he physically attacked and injured his father. The police were called, however the intervention of untrained officers didn’t solve the issue. This stopped the immediate continuation of the physical attack. AM and AD had not taken any legal motion to force the son to maneuver out. Instead, the family selected to live in fear under one roof. AM described how they avoided all contact and sneaked out of their very own home to avoid confrontation with their son. They had not taken any legal motion against their son.
Why don’t people take motion?
Why do people allow a mentally ailing member of the family to regulate them? They may feel guilty about remaining steadfast or taking legal motion due to illness. It’s not the sick person’s fault. They could also be reluctant to contact the prosecutor to file charges against their circle of relatives member because it could make the matter more public. What if this resulted of their member of the family being prosecuted and facing prison time? But how long should someone endure being terrorized in their very own home while supporting the person terrorizing them? These are complex emotional issues that influence decision making.
Possible solutions
Laws governing the control of an individual with serious mental illness vary from state to state. However, in every state, courts consider whether the mentally ailing person poses a danger to themselves or others. In the case study above, the son clearly poses a danger to AM and AD in addition to his own wife and youngsters. If guardianship is feasible, this selection needs to be explored and pursued. For example, a guardian could remove the mentally ailing person from the house and place them in a controlled environment, even against their will. But if the mentally ailing person can perform well before a judge, conservatorship is probably not an answer. State laws also vary regarding whether an individual might be forced to take medication to regulate violent behavior. States address the issue of mental illness inconsistently and sometimes unsuccessfully.
The recurring problem with mental illness
Adult child who would not move out
Here at AgingParents.com, where we advise families of older adults, we have now seen that mental illness influences decisions since before the cases of AM and AD. In one case, the mentally ailing son and his wife refused to maneuver out when the aging parents became frail and will not remain of their home. The parents needed to sell their house with a view to give you the chance to finance assisted living. We consulted with the family and developed a legal strategy with them. There were emotional conflicts between all relations about what to do. But eventually a frontrunner emerged and hired a lawyer. The sick son and wife rejected all warnings about pending legal motion to remove them. When the sheriff showed up, they finally got of their automobile and drove off, cutting off contact with the family.
Sibling abuse of a vulnerable adult
In one other matter, a mentally ailing brother temporarily lived along with his disabled older brother. He terrorized the disabled one that lived in fear and avoided him in every possible way. In this case, legal motion was taken to force the mentally ailing person to maneuver out. Fortunately, there was a wealthy sister who provided the displaced woman with a brand new apartment. At least he had somewhere to go. Too lots of our mentally ailing residents develop into homeless when their illness causes them to behave in ways in which cause them to lose their homes. They are on our streets, often untreated and unmedicated. Knowing that this possibility exists is considered one of the explanations people sometimes refuse to take motion to guard themselves.
The decisions
Sometimes the aging parents or other relations need to make a call: “Them or us.” They can select inertia and fear or empower themselves by learning their legal options and putting no less than considered one of them into motion. Anyone who endures abuse from a mentally ailing member of the family must determine whether or not they are willing to put their very own right to peace over their loved one’s right to do whatever they need. But the choice to act is so difficult for some people who they do nothing. These sad, sometimes tragic situations persist due to reluctance, guilt, fear and discomfort. This unwillingness to take legal motion can last for months and even years.
The takeaways
- Mental illness might be extremely serious if left untreated. Physical abuse may result. No self-respecting elderly person or other member of the family should put themselves at risk out of guilt or fear. If emotions threaten your personal safety, skilled advice will help.
- Mental illness affects a significant slice of our population. It might be treated successfully if the person is willing to just accept treatment, which often includes medication and talk therapy. A rejection should have consequences.
- If there’s a mentally ailing person in your loved ones who’s making life difficult for an aging parent, please take legal motion to guard your elders. Yes, it will probably be embarrassing, uncomfortable and intensely stressful, but there are laws in place to guard vulnerable aging family members. Please use them.